I Failed and Scared to Try Again
People are quick to arraign themselves for failure. Just not doing something because y'all're agape to get started isn't going to help you grow. Here are 4 strategies to help you get over the hump. Beginning by redefining what failure means to you. If y'all define failure every bit the discrepancy betwixt what you promise to accomplish (such as getting a job offer) and what you might attain (learning from the experience), you can focus on what you learned, which helps you lot recalibrate for hereafter challenges. It's also important to set approach goals instead of avoidance goals: focus on what yous want to accomplish rather than what you want to avert. Creating a "fright list" can too help. This is a listing of what may not happen as a issue of your fear — the cost of inaction. And finally, focus on learning. The chips aren't ever going to autumn where you want them to — but if you await that reality going into an effect, you can be prepared to wring the most value out of any event.
A client (who I'll telephone call "Alex") asked me to aid him set up to interview for a CEO office with a start-up. It was the first fourth dimension he had interviewed for the C-level, and when we met, he was visibly agitated. I asked what was wrong, and he explained that he felt "paralyzed" by his fearfulness of failing at the high-stakes meeting.
Digging deeper, I discovered that Alex's concern about the quality of his functioning stemmed from a "setback" he had experienced and internalized while working at his previous visitor. As I listened to him describe the situation, it became clear that the failure was related to his company and exterior industry factors, rather than to any misstep on his function. Despite that fact, Alex could not shake the perception that he himself had not succeeded, fifty-fifty though there was nothing he could have logically washed to anticipate or change this outcome.
People are quick to arraign themselves for failure, and companies hedge against information technology even if they pay lip service to the noble concept of trial and error. What can you do if you, like Alex, want to face up your fear of screwing up and push beyond it to success? Here are four steps you tin can take:
Redefine failure. Behind many fears is worry about doing something wrong, looking foolish, or not meeting expectations — in other words, fear of failure. By framing a state of affairs you're dreading differently earlier y'all attempt it, yous may exist able to avoid some stress and feet.
Let'due south get back to Alex as an example of how to execute this. As he thought about his interview, he realized that his initial bar for failing the task — "not being hired for the position" — was perhaps too high given that he'd never been a CEO and had never previously tried for that tiptop job. Fifty-fifty if his interview went flawlessly, other factors might influence the hiring committee's determination — such equally predetermined preferences on the part of board members.
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In coaching Alex through this approach, I encouraged him to redefine how he would view his performance in the interview. Was there a style he might interpret information technology differently from the commencement and be more than open to signs of success, even if they were pocket-size? Could he, for example, redefine failure every bit not beingness able to reply anyof the questions posed or receiving specific negative feedback? Could he redefine success as being able to answer each question to the best of his ability and receiving no criticisms nigh how he interviewed?
Every bit it turned out, Alex did accelerate to the second round and was complimented on his preparedness. Ultimately, he did non become the chore. Simply considering he had shifted his mindset and redefined what constituted failure and success, he was able to absorb the results of the experience more gracefully and with less angst than he had expected.
Set arroyo goals (non avoidance goals) . Goals can be classified as arroyo goals or abstention goals based on whether you are motivated past wanting to achieve a positive consequence or avoid an adverse one. Psychologists have found that creating approach goals, or positively reframing avoidance goals, is beneficial for well-being. When you're dreading a tough task and expect it to exist difficult and unpleasant, you may unconsciously set goals around what you don'twant to happen rather than what you practise want.
Though nervous about the process, Alex'south desire to become a CEO was an approach goal because information technology focused on what he wanted to achieve in his career rather than what he hoped to avoid. Although he didn't land the first CEO job he tried to become, he did not let that fact deter him from keeping that every bit his objective and getting back out there.
If Alex had instead become discouraged near the outcome of his beginning C-level interview and decided to actively avoid the pain of rejection by never vying for the top spot again, he would have shifted from approach to avoidance mode. While developing an avoidance goal is a mutual response to a perceived failure, it's important to keep in listen the costs of doing so. Research has shown that employees who accept on an avoidance focus become twice every bit mentally fatigued as their approach-focused colleagues.
Create a "fright listing."Writer and investor Tim Ferriss recommends "fright-setting," creating a checklist of what yous are afraid to exercise and what you lot fear will happen if you exercise it. In his Ted Talk on the subject, he shares how doing this enabled him to tackle some of his hardest challenges, resulting in some of his biggest successes.
I asked Alex to brand three lists: beginning, the worst-case scenarios if he bombed the interview; second, things he could do to prevent the failure; and third, in the event the flop occurred, what could he do to repair it. Next, I asked him to write down the benefits of the attempted effort and the cost of inaction. This do helped him realize that although he was anxious, walking away from the opportunity would be more harmful to his career in the long run.
Focus on learning. The chips aren't always going to fall where you lot desire them to — but if you understand that reality going in, yous can be prepared to wring the virtually value out of the feel, no matter the outcome.
To render to Alex, he was able to recognize through the coaching procedure that beingness hyper-focused on his previous company'southward flop — and overestimating his role in it — caused him to panic near the CEO interview. When he shifted gears to focus non on his potential for failure but on what he would learn from competing at a college level than he had before, he stopped sweating that showtime attempt and was able to meet it equally a steppingstone on a longer journey to the CEO seat. With that mindset, he chop-chop pivoted away from his disappointment at not getting the offer to speedily planning for the next opportunity to interview for a similar role at another company.
Remember: it's when you experience comfy that you should be fearful, considering information technology's a sign that you're non stepping far enough out of your comfort zone to take steps that will help you lot rise and thrive. By rethinking your fears using the four steps above, you can come to encounter apprehension as a teacher and guide to help you lot achieve your most of import goals.
Source: https://hbr.org/2018/12/how-to-overcome-your-fear-of-failure
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